Saturday, 17 September 2016

But would it be easier?

I went bikini shopping.....

Our Las Vegas honey moon has crept up on me and I realised I only had 1 matching bikini, 1 random bikini top and a swimming costume.

I needed more so we braved primark. [and asda, and newlook and tesco!]

and I mean BRAVED! There was a sale on so that was all kinds of fun, and whoever had put the stock out had done it with all of the organisational skills of a elephant in a teapot.

You see have have a few simple rules for buying bikinis.

1. it should cover my nipples [I thought this was pretty standard but I think I might be wrong

2. It should cover both my front and back bottoms [I also thought this was a universal requirement, yet again wrong]

3. It shouldn't cost the earth, I refuse to spend a fortune on something with that little fabric.

4. It shouldn't make me feel like a potato. [I know I don't look like a potato but it shouldn't make me feel like one!

Anway I walked into the changing room with 8 bikini sets and came out with 1, yes 1 bikini and a huge dent in my self esteem. I mean what the hell is clothes shopping? Especially bikini shopping?

My problems started when my lovely fiance couldn't come into the changing room with me, I need him to tell me all of the good parts of how I look when all I can see is the bad! Now I do get this, upon entering a changing room with my partner either he starts ripping open curtains or we have to "have it off" [we don't do either of these things can you detect the sarcasm?] And I get it because there are probably men who make women feel uncomfortable when they are in the changing rooms, but I needed my Rikki! 

My next Issue was with the door or should I say curtain? This is the twenty first century people!!! Get an actual frigging door! with a lock! and FYI if your one of those people who goes to open a closed curtain "just to check if there is someone in there......" there's a reason its closed! BECAUSE THERE IS!!! 

Next up is the lighting, who decided that what women want is florescent lighting? Who stood and thought whats the most unflattering lighting we can find, because I think we'll use that!!! and the mirrors!OMG the mirrors! If it wasn't already bad enough that you look like a giant in that tiny room, with 50 million watt bulbs lighting up every flaw [Including the attractive indentations from your jeans] then your open your eyes to find yourself reflected seven times over.

And the whole time I was stood there, in a bikini top that barely concealed one boob let alone two, with the bottoms on over my pants because hygiene guys! please don't be the person who tries on without pants on! and Ya know my socks on because lets face it I ain't putting my bare feet on no grotty shop floor , thinking to myself would it just be easier to sew something?

I mean if you look online sew essential has 17 swimwear patterns ranging from bikinis to full suits. I could pick on up for about £8.00 and sew as many as my little heart desired!

But I would have to get fabric?  which can range from £10 a metre for plainer stuff to £20 per metre for more jazzy stuff, and how do you know if your got the right stuff? what if it too thin? WHAT IF IT CAN'T SUPPORT MY BOOBS? *whispers* what if it goes see through?

What if I need power mesh? what if I don't know what power mesh is? what about underwire? What about stitching!

And then the most horrifying what if?

What if after sourcing all the materials and sewing it up I still dont like it? whats if its like the 7 that got put in the no pile in the changing room? all that work and expense and I might still hate it?

So in my eyes its easier to suck it up and go shopping!

but I just need to remember these things, 

1. Always size up!

2. Try on at home and return them if you have to! the lighting in your own home is far Superior! 

3. and reward yourself with a cookie after!

Normal sewing will hopefully resume soon!

Much Love




  1. Hilarious 😂😂😂

    My plan is always to order about 10 online, when they have free delivery and returns and try all on in comfort of own home and send at least 8 back.

    1. You ahve to be so careful though! I brought one instore at newlook, so I could try it at home and then couldnt return it because Id tried it on and left the shop!!! x

  2. Like your rant lady but as someone who gave up on swimsuit shopping this year simply based on the price of the damn things I would like to encourage you to make one. How??? I hear you shout at me? I made both a bikini and shorts and vest top this year. I made them as a toile first from an old T-shirt of Andy's They looked vile but I could get the fit right without wasting my fabric. Then I took a punt and bought from a company called 'The sewing chest' A very uninspiring looking website but it is the bees knees in lingerie haberdashery. I bought a swimwear remnant for £7 with no idea what to expect and it was fabulous. In the end I made two pairs of bottoms, a bikini top and a tankini top. I also made a swimsuit for one of my girls but it all went a bit wrong on the legs but you can see how much fabric I got. Sewing chest also has power mesh to use as a liner on breast pieces and front bottoms to stop the fabric being see through. Search for swimwear fabric and they always seem to have some remnants. Ok so I am going on a bit here and your honeymoon will soon be upon you but I think you should give it a go for another time. I am never buying another one again! Love ya Frankie, Jo x

    1. Okay so upon your advice next year I will bite the bullet and give it a whirl! However prepare yourself for a barrage of emails if I get stuck!!!


  3. You poor thing, it's bad enough in changing rooms trying clothes on let alone bikinis!!! I did giggle reading it though as its all so true! I brought my last one off Figleaves, I always go on to their clearance section (cheapskate!!) and last time got the knicks for £3 and a top for £4 they have a huge range, I order a couple sizes, of each (actually I order lots, bras are often the clearance ones too) I've thought on making too and if I wore one often it would be worth it but rarely do x

    1. That my issue, we don't go on hoilday all the time and the only swimming we do is with little man! although I did spend quite a lot on a costume from newlook but I think that will be better for taking him swimming than a skimpy bikini!


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