Coping Strategies - Ruperts Baby Quilt

I've been putting off writing this post for a long long time. [lol it actually sat in my drafts bin for another 3 months after writing that!]

But my cameras broke and I'm running out of projects I'd already photographed, so now seems as good a time as any. 

This is a very basic baby quilt made for my friend Kelly's and her future wife Amy's Little boy Rupert. 

He was actually a bit of a surprise baby [to me not to them! They definitely knew he was coming they just hadn't mentioned it on facebook!] And although I don't see Kelly very often I knew I wanted to make her little boy a quilt because shes always been really supportive of my blog and has made a lot of custom orders of the years!

  

I don't typically do such simple quilts any more but as I said I didn't know he was coming a so I threw something together using stash fabrics. 

And appliqued his initial on to make it personal. 

And speaking of personal I've never really addressed why I started making baby quilts for all the babies I know. And the difficulty is that its such a personal thing but my hope is that me sharing might help someone else if they are going through something similar.

We found out a few years ago that we can't have any more babies. 

Which is one of those kind of awkward things because for the longest time we'd been flip flopping on whether or not we actually wanted anymore and then BOOM decision made you have no choice! 

After Lil Man was born [And he was quite poorly after he was born but that's a story for another day!] Rikki was convinced we were going to give me three months to recover and then start trying for baby no 2. Uh no thanks hun? Luckily a midwife was on hand to inform him that she wanted me to be at least two years post c section before we even starting thinking about another one especially seen as I'd not really had a bump with Lil man so the risk would be if I got big with the next and it would make my scar burst.

So I patiently waited for two years [and I'm glad I did because I took about two years for my scar to stop twinging every time I stood up!] And then I spoke to Rikki about it and he wasn't sure he wanted another. Which is pretty tough to deal with in itself because then one of you wants more babies and the other is completely content. 

Then the swine 360'd on me again! He literally turned round after a year and a half of being adamant that he wanted no more and was all like "go on then lets have another". Talk about keeping me on my toes!

However he was insistent that I went to the doctors before we started trying because my period pains had been really really awful since having Lil man.

I went and after months of doctors taking my medical history, having examinations and scans and talking about all of the difficulties with my pregnancy and Lil man when he was born, a conclusion was reached. No more babies.  

Well actually he said it in a more doctor like way and explained that if I had just one problem he might suggest we try but due to the fact their were several problems he wouldn't recommend it because in the unlikely hood that I did fall pregnant, It was highly unlikely that I would carry full term . He did tell me I could have hope and see if a miracle happened but they don't do a prescription for that.

Then he told Rikki he must have super sperm because I'd actually managed to get pregnant with Lil Man against the odds!

Naturally because the doctor had said we could try if we wanted we had a long chat about it and decided that if it had just been the two of us we'd have had a go, but because of lil man we couldn't because it wouldn't be fair for him to have to cope the the loss or disappointment. 

And whilst we had reached an agreement not to have anymore or to even try if was still really really hard because 1. We will never know if we might have had a second miracle and 2. Once you find out you can't have any more you start seeing babies everywhere and everyone gets pregnant! 

At first I tried to bury my head in the sand and avoid all babies. Mainly because I was terrified that I wouldn't be happy to hear that someone was pregnant ever again. 

Then I found out that my best friend was pregnant and I can happily say I've never been so pleased for anyone on my life! So I made her a blanket! And well the whole thing snowballed.

Now every time someone close to us has a baby I make them a blanket and as I sit and sew it I feel a lot more calm than I did and i always feel really happy for them.

I don't even care if they keep them or if they don't use them. I just like making them. 

So far I've made blankets for:

Evie

Caden

Percy

Josephine

Jasper

Rupert

Its still hard to be around babies but it gets easier every year. 

And its still difficult when people tell me I need to give lil man a sibling because he's going to be spoiled or why are we leaving such a big gap in between.

But things are getting better and we've even reached a point now where we laugh and joke about it and we've gradually started to tell people who are close to us rather than keep it a secret.

A huge amount of me coping is down to Rikki as well. He has been a unwavering pillar of strength over the last few years and I'm not sure I could have coped without him. [BUT IF ANYBODY TELLS HIM I'VE WRITTEN NICE THINGS ABOUT HIM I WILL DROP KICK THEM! I like him to think I barely tolerate him, keeps him on his toes!]

Much Love 

Frankie