I've had anxiety since I was about 13 years old [which I've just worked out means I've been dealing with feeling less than human for 10 years, seriously I can;t believe there's people who get through the day without feeling worried or anxious! In fact I can't believe that at one point I was one of those people]
I get anxious about lots of things, meeting people I don't know, Big crowds, Meeting people I do know, Getting sick, Being sick, What people think of me, The dentist, The doctors, The supermarket [I know even I'm embarrassed at myself], Travelling, Being a good mum, What people reading my blog think...... the list goes on.
Basically I'm a bit of a mess, I'm not sure why it started. But it hasn't stopped and it likes to team up on me with my IBS in the evil circle of, "am I going to have an IBS attack?" panicking about having a IBS attack and then the stress resulting in one. That coupled with severe acid reflux and I'm a walking perscription.
Now this isn't all doom and gloom, I've got a lot of coping mechanisms now and I'd say about 60% of the time I actually feel like a proper person [which is the highest its been in years!]. Anyway one of my coping mechanisms used to be writing motivational things on my wrists in biro. However I'm a grownup now, and nothing quite says stare at me like having "Be Brave" written on your wrists.
So I had to come up with a new solution just for me [actually I came up with this whilst having a panic attack about having to take lil man to the doctors and wondering if last nights takeaway was going to give me food poisoning]
So I made some wrist bands out of some old fake leather I had knocking around, you know the stuff that doesn't fray and is quite soft?]
The only sewing I did was putting on a button, I didn't even sew the button holes I just cut them. The bands are 3cm wide and I just kept trimming till they say snugly on my wrist.
I sounds weird but I just wanted something that made me feel a bit less like a scared little girl hiding in the corner and more like a gladiator/Xena/Khaleesi badass.
But this is the best part, my motivation I'm going to be okay stuff is hidden on the inside, just for me to see.
I feel a bit calmer and a bit more human. But that could be because I actually did something rather than sitting and wallowing in my own self pity.
Anyway I thought if it helped me it might help someone else! and if its doesn't they still look pretty badass!
Much Love
Frankie
What a wonderful idea Frankie. I may copy that. You are a great Mum and partner, that is obvious from your posts and I love to read your blog. I have said it before but, for someone so young you have an immense creative talent and I hope you will expand on that. Maybe one day when you have more time you can start your own creative business. It is something you can do at home or perhaps in a purpose built artists' setup/studio and then you could be among like minded and supportive people, because creative people in general are caring. I wish you lots of luck and keep getting stronger.
ReplyDeleteThankyou! That's such a lovely thing to say! And I do hope that one day I can expand on what I'm doing now x
DeleteI went through five years of infertility before getting pregnant using IVF. i couldn't do obvious things like going to baby showers, but as a result of the pain and heartbreak of infertility I have trouble talking on the phone. I plan for days to make one phone call for an appointment. What I want to say is we all have our issues and you're not alone. Don't be afraid to reach out. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your fertility problems, a huge life thing like that can very often seep into every inch of our lives. But you are making the phone calls! Which is amazing if you find it difficult I'd consider that an achievement and not focus on that you find it hard to do! Stay strong! X
DeleteWhat a super idea! I'm sure that could be helpful for lots of people. We all have wobbles from time to time and the more ways we find to help us through, the better for us xx
ReplyDeleteThankyou x
DeleteWell done for speaking out, a lot of people stay quiet and then it doesn't get talked about and people think it's just them. I too get very nervous and worried over what others wouldn't think twice over, making phone calls etc and finding ways to deal with them are tough. I have a peace dove tattoo on my ankle 5 linking stars on my wrist that are symbols to me but I don't do a lot of of things that are out of my comfort zone, just as I think I'm good something else pops up! I hope you continue to find new and wonderful ways to deal with your anxiety and kick its ass :) x
ReplyDeleteThat's the biggest issue with it all. Some days you can be fine and other days a mess! I do think more people should talk about it, imagine how much easier it would be if we could all just be completely honest about how we feel! Like when I was at my worst I barely went out but I still wanted my friends to invite me out, I wish I'd had the guts to say I'd love to but I just can't!
DeleteKeep going!!!
Frankie x